We're getting straight gammas...
...every half pulse at irregular intervals.
Let's move to right ascension 23 hours, 5 minutes.
What the hell is going on out here?
Alpha Orionis is going supernova.
Sometime in the next 100 million years.
- Thursday. - Excuse me?
Thursday. It's going supernova Thursday.
If Alpha Orionis Were about to go supernova...
...there would be silicon flashes...
...neutrino emissions...
Even in daylight, We would be able to see...
You predicted this?
Excuse me, Sam, I know you're busy...
...but it's almost noon.
It's almost noon.
It's noon, everybody. Let's go!
Get in position! Let's go!
What?
What are you doing?
You're pointing the damn thing down!
Professor, there's this other phenomenon...
...that Sam gives his priority to at noon.
Other priority? Now?
Every day.
What could be more important?
Actually, this event isn't strictly celestial.
"I love you
"He loved me
"Said the little blue man
"And scared me right out of my wits"
What is it?
Remember I told you they were going to pick a teacher...
...to represent the district at the school in New York?
New York? You?
That's great.
Don't look at me like that.
It's only two months.
It's not like I'm going to the moon.
Two months is a long time.
You could come.
You know I can't.
You could take off work.
You just never Want to get out of this town...
...and see the possibilities.
Everything I want to see is right here.
You, the sky.
I went to school in that building right there.
I hung upside down on this jungle gym.
In 20 years, I haven't moved an inch.
I fell in love with you on this junglegym.
You know how much I want to do this, but I love you...
...so if you tell me to stay, I'll stay.
Stay.
Hey, Joe, hoist it up!
It's got to be higher.
Much higher.
Higher.
Mr. Green, what are you doing here?
I was just on my way to the airport.
Come here, Sam.
Is Linda all right?
Listen to me.
Love can sometimes be a very difficult thing.
Listen up.
"Dear Sam, this is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
"I'm sorry I don't have the courage...
"...to do it face-to-face.
"I never planned this, Sam."
Mr. Green, what is this?
She left you. I'm reading her Dear John.
"It's not you, Sam. How can I make you understand?
"Your life is set.
"You have your stars and your friends and the town, but...
"...I feel like I'm just finding out...
"...What mine is all about.
"Oh, Sam, so many emotions are surfacing as I write this."
Where is she, Mr. Green?
She thought it would be best if you didn't talk for a while.
Let me finish this off.
"You're my best friend in the world, Sam...
"...so you must know that this is the way I am.
"I can't help it. It's my nature."
It's true, son. She's nuts.
Where're you going? I'm not finished.
The best part's coming up.
Would you mind just checking?
Two blocks down and to the left.
Thanks.
I hope I'm doing the right thing.
I'm sure you are.
Honey!
What is it?
Can you get that?
I'm taking a nap.
I'm in the bath.
All right.
I hear you, God damn it!
Are you OK?
What's this table doing here?
This better be goddamn good!
You're ruining my beauty sleep!
Damn you! Lay off the buzzer!
Who is it?
No problem here.
Who is it?
Morning, everybody.
Morning, Linda. Morning, Tarzan.
We are...
...six minutes later than yesterday.
That's six, carry the two. Good.
Ah, there.
See that?
Medium smile, no teeth.
Don't forget the vase.
Got to get it perfectly centered.
There? No.
One more. Why not?
Annoying, isn't it, honey?
Grin all you want, monkey man.
All you are is a passing meteor shower.
You'll be gone soon enough.
I feel sorry for you, you poor bastard.
Carl, it's me, Sam.
Calm down. I'm fine.
I'm still in New York.
We're great. Linda's very happy.
We may stay a while. We're very busy.
There's lots to do.
Listen, Carl, I need you to sell my truck.
Whatever you can get for it.
I'm just a little short of cash right now.
I'm still here.
Listen, Carl, there's something else I need...
...and Professor Wells doesn't have to know about it.
Hey, Linda. How you doing?
You want to hear something funny?
I saw this on the news before I came out.
Fainting goats. I'm not making this up.
There's this breed of goats.
I don't know why, but...
...they faint at the slightest thing.
If they hear a loud noise or a gun goes off...
...they black out, fall right over, one after the other.
I thought you'd like that.
Get off.
I don't even have a chart for that.
Get over here.
Gotcha!
Get away from here!
I'm warning you! I have a gun!
Oh, shit.
What the hell are you?
What do you want? Who are you?
Excuse me. I asked a question.
I live here. What do you want?
I asked you a question.
Don't touch that.
Get away from that.
Who the hell are you? What do you want?
They'll hear you.
What are you talking about?
Your little Goldilocks and my ex-fianc?
Hold it.
Are you saying that guy, that thing over there?
- What's your name? - Mike.
- What's your name, Mike? - Sam.
I'm Maggie.
I'll be staying here a while.
I sleep naked. It's the only way I'm comfortable.
So don't think of it as a come-on...
...because if you so much as breathe in my direction...
...Will nail your Willy to that beam.
Don't mess with my stuff, don't get in my way...
...and I'm sure we'll get along fine.
Nighty-night.
What is all this stuff?
Bugging equipment, cactus.
Like listening bugging?
Bugging who?
Take a wild guess.
Why would anyone want to do that?
'Cause I want to hear What goes on in there.
Don't you want to hear What goes on in there?
No, I do not.
Why not?
'Cause that would be an invasion of her privacy.
Excuse me, Mr. Video.
That's not a video.
It's a camera obscura.
It's pure light.
I'm not spying.
I just want to be with her.
That's completely different.
I know how you feel.
You want him back so badly that you can't stand it.
It's like your guts are twisting around inside.
But bugging their apartment...
What?
I don't want him back. I want him vaporized.
Extinguished!
When I'm done with him...
...he'll be a twitchy little stain on the floor.
Is that what you're doing?
You're waiting for her to leave him for you?
Absolutely.
Have you seen him?
He is irrelevant. Linda and I are soul mates.
This is just a passing phase.
They're going to break up tonight. I know it.
I'm listening.
I'm an astronomer.
It's my job to find patterns in things...
...that seem completely random.
I found a pattern.
It's all in the data.
The data.
This data.
"Mutual feeding activity."
It's the number of times that Linda and what's-his-name...
...feed each other.
You're counting.
Not just that. Everything.
Kisses, hugs, smiles, fights.
They fight?
Not yet.
Long looks, whispering, shouting.
They shout?
You're missing the point.
Tonight there's going to be a fight.
They are going to break up...
...and I'm going to be right here for her.
Tonight this will all be over...
...so you might as well start packing your bags.
That is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard.
I don't mean that trivially.
I'm a photographer. I've seen a lot of things.
I once took pictures of a man who ate his own legs...
...and you would be the black sheep of that family.
What's your evil plan? Squirt him with squirt guns?
Throw rotten strawberries at him?
You looked in my satchel?
Yeah. Call a cop.
You are a strange, tragic little man.
Say what you want. Linda and I are in love.
Except for her boning my boyfriend...
...you guys are the perfect couple.
Listen, Catwoman, at the end of the day...
...she is coming back to me, and we're going to be happy.
And where are you going to be?
All alone somewhere, hatching some little revenge scheme.
Let me tell you something, Sam.
Listen very carefully. Are you listening?
The only way that girl is coming back to you...
...is if a blast of semen catapults her...
...across the street and through the window.
I want you out.
Not going to happen.
I was here first.
Put me down for half the rent and get out of my face.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Why not?
You paid for it.
You stole my money.
You took everything I had to buy this crap?
That was everything you had?
What the hell is that for, anyway?
It's pretty, Sam.
There we go.
You can hear them?
Are they talking?
What about?
You wouldn't be interested.
Let me hear.
It's wrong, Sam.
Just for a second.
I just want to hear her sweet voice.
Beg me.
Please.
Excuse me. Did you say something?
Please let me hear.
Oh, my God.
He's killing her.
He's killing her, all right...
...and she's loving every minute of it.
She's not like that.
She likes to make love quiet and slow and gentle.
That girl of yours is a carnival ride.
This is horrible.
This is worse than I'd imagined.
Want me to turn it off?
No. I need to hear it.
How very brave.
He's making love to her in French.
You know, Sam, French men are very small.
But not this guy.
It's like Godzilla's tail.
He could take down Tokyo with that thing.
This has got to be the longest orgasm I've heard.
You want your charts?
You enjoy making me suffer.
Help me get him, Sam.
Take the road less traveled.
It'll make all the difference.
Forget it.
I will not get sucked into your nightmare.
Whatever.
I think I can get this in stereo.
Welcome to New York, spy-boy.
Slim Jim?
Let's see what Ken and Barbie are having tonight.
Squab.
He marinates it for half a day in a lemon-wine sauce...
...and he braises it with sugar.
Please be quiet. I have to concentrate.
It's happening tonight.
Smells delicious.
I'll tell you a secret.
It's not my recipe.
I met an old man, and he said...
...only prepare it for the woman you love.
Later I found out he made it for a party he catered.
Five hundred people. He's just bursting with love.
You should go to his restaurant sometime.
Good food, good people.
Wait. Take the spoon like this.
Just let her eat it, you maggot!
It's the best thing I've ever eaten.
Will you shut up?
I love to watch you eat.
She hates having people watch her eat.
He's going down in flames.
Here it comes.
Oh, you know, I heard the most amusing story.
There is this... What are they called?
Sheep.
Yeah. A breed of goats.
And when they hear a sharp sound, they fall over.
A sharp sound?
Yeah. Anything.
You clap your hands, and they fall over.
That's my story.
They pass out When they hear a sharp sound.
It's true.
They just fall over on the ground.
That's my kiss.
That's my...
Oh, not the food.
I'll do it.
I'll do whatever you want.
This has to stop.
I don't care about right or wrong anymore.
This must stop.
All you gotta do is nudge him.
Just graze him like that.
Sorry.
You're sorry? You should be goddamned sorry.
You think you can trample a person and say you're sorry?
Well, you can't.
You can't trample on somebody's life and say, "I'm sorry."
There ought to be something more you can say...
...When you walk all over somebody.
And you're throwing food everywhere!
I think we took a detour from the plan there.
I really hit him, didn't I?
You smacked him one, all right!
How'd it feel?
Great!
What is your plan? What do you want to do?
I just want his dignity, that's all.
I want him penniless, hopeless, loveless, finished off.
I just wish him very, very ill.
How ill are we talking here?
I'm not saying I want him dead.
But, should that occur, people die all the time.
Why should he be any different?
Just thinking on my feet, though.
I don't have to decide the death part right now.
I can wait and see how I feel...
...once his dignity's a thing of the past.
Am I boring you?
Thank you, Anton.
Maybe I shouldn't have hit him.
He's just in love.
He's just in love, the same as me.
Define love.
Why?
Because every other word out of you mouth is "love."
I'd like to know what it is...
...this magical ideal of yours. Define it.
Well, it's like, I don't know.
It's like all your life you walk around...
...With this feeling of emptiness in your stomach.
You feel completely hollow.
And when you're in love, you feel...
...not hollow.
It's like without it, there's nothing.
A shell. A cavernous emptiness.
Forget it. You can't define it.
When I was a kid, my father had this dog.
It started to get weak and sickly so he took it to the vet.
The doctor examines it and says...
...a maggot must've laid eggs in the dog's butt.
He says there's not much they can do.
The baby maggots have crawled up and started to grow...
...and eventually they're going to eat the dog alive from the inside out.
He says it should be put to sleep because it's an old dog, anyway.
But Father won't do it.
He takes it home.
He puts it on the bed.
He starts to reach up into the dog...
...picking out the maggots with his fingers, one by one.
It takes him all night, but he gets every last one.
That dog outlived my father.
That's love, Sam.
You're not that tough, Maggie.
I can tell you're not that tough.
And you can forget about a career with Hallmark.
Won't he miss the card?
He won't know what hit him till the bill comes...
...'cause he only uses his platinum.
I'll just take everything in this whole area.
You know Anton's having an affair?
He is?
That's what Linda's going to think.
Where are you sending them?
To my Nana.
The old battle-ax should get a kick out of this.
How much to put lipstick on the monkey?
Is that for you or for him?
I don't touch the monkey.
I don't want to have anything to do with the monkey.
How's 40?
For 50 I'd strap on a garter and wax her legs.
Lovely lipstick, darling.
Honey, you can't be treating me this way.
We've known each other too long.
You can't even look me in the eye.
What? You're in love?
You're in love with that man?
That man could never make you happy.
What the hell is that? Shit!
Good God! Kiss him, baby!
Get this goddamned monkey off my back!
Give that man a hand!
OK, that's fine.
No problem.
Greta thanks you. I thank you.
Hello, sweetheart.
Here we go. The target's home.
You know bankers.
They want to know every little thing.
What do they know about the restaurant business?
Are we packed?
Hey, why don't we forget about the Hamptons...
...and spend the weekend in bed?
There, that look!
She sees it.
Stay with her.
Go back to her, Sam!
Stick to her.
Relax.
Anything you wanted to tell me?
What?
What's that on your collar?
Turn it up. I can't hear them.
Oh, that.
You'll never believe this.
I'm walking through washington Square...
...and there's this stupid man.
You know, some guy with a monkey.
A street performer?
That son of a bitch, yeah.
The monkey jumps on me and won't get off my back.
You're kidding.
The people all around, they are laughing.
And the monkey is kissing me, kissing me.
I think it peed on me. It stinks.
What is she laughing at?
I don't know.
What do you think of the story? I'll show you what I think.
I'll get you.
Let's forget about the Hamptons.
It's going very well, don't you think?
Drink up, buddy, 'cause tonight we're going in.
There they go.
We want to go to the Long Island railroad.
Idiot never even changed the lock.
Close it.
It's so much smaller than it looks on TV.
In the couch.
What?
In the couch. Don't make it obvious.
- You're kidding. - Just do it.
Why were you wearing them?
Authenticity.
What are you going to do?
Receipts.
Why are we whispering?
I don't know.
Mine.
Perfection, yes?
Voil?
This is comfortable.
This is what you wear to walk about...
...With everything swinging freely.
Look at me. I am so fabulous.
I am so beautiful.
Witness my matted chest hairs.
They are nice, no?
What do you think?
You look...
Look at this.
I love you, Linda.
I hate you, Anton.
I got to make the bed.
Sure. Right.
Can you clean the kitchen?
We should get out of here.
I think we should talk.
Nothing to talk about.
Yes, there is. Something happened. I would like to talk about it.
Nothing happened, Sam.
OK? Nothing happened.
I know what you're going through.
I'm going through the same thing.
Get this straight, pal. I'm not like you.
I don't care what you're going through.
If I thought you and I were alike in the most trivial way...
...I would tie a rope around my neck.
I'm sorry.
Last night wasn't us, Maggie.
I know. I'm glad you know.
Maybe we should just, I don't know, call it a day.
You know what's going to happen to her, Sam?
He's going to make her feel like she's the only woman in the world.
When he looks at her, it'll be just like a kid...
...looks at a Christmas tree all lit up and shiny.
For the first time, she'll feel like she's really been seen...
...and really loved.
And then...
...and then three weeks later...
...she'll find a pair of panties in the couch.
Then she'll learn that she was just a steppingstone.
That he was just using her to get a visa.
It'll change her, Sam.
I understand.
You know what's always bothered me?
I can't see the side of her face.
I can never see the left side of her face...
...When she's standing here in the kitchen...
...because of these things in the window.
So help me move this over a little bit.
Good?
A little more.
Good.
What?
I saw the sign about the job.
I don't want a half salt shaker on the table.
You go and refill it immediately.
Pardon.
Il faut tout leur apprendre!
Nothing here for you. Go.
Why?
Do I need a reason in my own restaurant?
Of course not.
I don't like your face, that's why.
Just go.
Wait.
Why did you do that?
Why did I do what?
The flowers. Why did you move it like that?
I wanted them to be in the middle of the table.
Why?
Because it was...
...it was just something that I had to do.
Perhaps at heart you seek perfection, no?
Yes, perhaps I do.
Almost done?
Almost.
Good work.
Why don't you stop for a moment?
I know who you are.
It took me a little while, but I figure it out.
Dry off your hands.
It was you who attacked me that day.
Couldn't see your eyes, but I don't forget a face.
You didn't put an address down on your application.
You are homeless, aren't you?
That's OK. Don't be ashamed.
You know, I was hungry myself once.
I would see a rich man, a man I envied...
...I would want to strangle him.
But that's not the way I found.
You must better yourself.
Don't be ashamed.
Give me your hand. Come on.
I like a man who fights for what he wants.
But if you ever mess with me again...
...l'll rip out your eyes and rape your skull.
Excuse my French.
Was a good punch, huh?
Solid.
It was nice.
So you did all his dishes and got punched in the face.
What was your thinking there?
I'm missing something. What was your plan?
No plan. I just wanted to face him.
I wanted to be in the same room with him...
...to talk to him.
In my mind, he was like a god.
Now what do you think?
Well, it's not like he's God God anymore.
He's more like a volcano god or a sea god.
One of those sub-gods.
Maggie, I think he likes me.
One thing, though.
He said something about having sex with my skull.
He says that to everybody.
Don't worry about it.
Sorry.
I don't like the sound of it.
I don't like the image that it conjures.
I can't honestly say I blame you, Sam.
So I let go with my hands...
...and I fell off the top of the junglegym face-first...
...and I broke this tooth in half.
I'm laying on my back, blood all over my face...
...the kids are yelling, the teachers are freaking out...
...and I look up, and there she is.
She's just looking down at me...
...With this worried little smile on her face.
I swear to God, when I saw her, the pain just went away.
Once I took pictures of a bunch of ducklings...
...Who imprinted on a gardener.
They thought he was Mama...
...and they used to chase him around all day...
...While he drove around on his lawn mower.
That's exactly what it feels like.
It's like she's branded on my brain.
What happened to this guy...
...is that one day he forgot the ducks were there.
He put the mower in reverse, chewed them to pieces.
Don't you know any happy stories?
There he is.
That's him!
Let's get him!
Our work is done.
Midgets coming out of the blue.
I had to protect myself with one of them.
Midgets coming out of the blue?
Yeah. Little children shooting perfume at me.
From their guns.
Perfume from their guns?
Yeah. Water guns?
Squirt guns?
Yeah, I think. Squirt guns.
Spooky, huh?
Wait, the loaf, I think it's burning.
Look at him trying to weasel his way out of it.
He didn't do anything, Sam.
Anton, don't you think it's a little peculiar...
...that little children would be shooting perfume at you?
I thought it was something American kids do.
A fad, I don't know. We should have some salad.
It's very expensive perfume, Anton.
I used to wear that perfume.
Good call, Sam!